College move-in day represents one of life's biggest transitions for both parents and students. If you're feeling overwhelmed about sending your child off to college, you're not alone. Here are five essential reminders to help you navigate this emotional milestone while supporting your college student's journey to independence.
Sending your child to college is a milestone filled with mixed emotions—for both parents and students. Navigating this transition with understanding and balance helps your child thrive while easing your own adjustment.
Key Takeaways:
- Acknowledge your emotions—feel pride and sadness without making your student feel guilty.
- Respect their feelings—their excitement, anxiety, or independence may look different than yours.
- Trust your parenting—the skills you taught will surface when needed.
- Shift roles—move from “director” to supportive “consultant.”
- Refocus on yourself—explore interests and rediscover personal growth.
Table of Contents
- It’s OK to Feel How You Feel
- It’s OK for Them to Be Excited and Not Sad
- Trust the Training
- Move from Program Director to Consultant
- Find Something for You
- Supporting Your College Student’s Transition
- Frequently Asked Questions
- About the Author
1. It's OK to Feel How You Feel
This can be an emotionally overwhelming time. You remember the little child who wanted to hold your hand or climb in your lap every moment of the day. You realize you might get them back, but it won't be the same. This bittersweet transition leaves you trying to put a smile on your face while you are sobbing on the inside.
It's OK to feel all those big, complex emotions. Just make sure they see the excitement and the pride as well as the tears. If all they see is a sad parent who is having trouble letting go, then they can start to feel responsible for you instead of focusing on their next chapter.
Remind them you are grieving what you've known as your role as a parent; however, you are just as excited about this new role too! Normalize the emotion of it all without making them feel guilty about going.
2. It's OK for Them to Be Excited and Not Sad
But—they are likely navigating 100 other feelings at the same time! Don't make your emotions their emotions. Don't expect them to feel how you feel or to have the same feelings you might have had when you went to college.
They have gone from saying goodbye to high school and all the friends they've known to preparing to start that first day of school without their group for support. They might have feelings of sadness, anxiety, or excitement, or they might have them all at once.
Let their emotions be theirs and simply listen if and when they express them. Normalize the complex emotions they are experiencing and let them know you have confidence in this next phase of their life.
3. Trust the Training
Sure, they might have had the messiest room in the house, or might be the most absent-minded kid you know. However, the skills they need to live the college life don't always kick in until they are actually on their own!
Trust what you taught them and their ability to use those skills, even if they haven't adequately demonstrated them at home. You have spent their life preparing them for this moment. Trust how you've invested and guided them, and allow them room to figure it out.
4. Move From Program Director to Consultant
You have been the Program Director for almost all of this child's life. You are the reminder, the prompter, the schedule keeper, the accountant, the disciplinarian, a supportive presence, and the one who holds them accountable.
Now you move from that to their consultant—the one they come to when they are having a hard time figuring it out. Notice you are the consultant, but you are not the "fixer". Your job now is to help them consider options and find their path, not to snowplow ahead and clear that path.
Listen and ask if they want feedback; if not, trust their training to make the decision that is best for them.
5. Find Something for You
One of the toughest parts about letting them go is realizing how much of your energy and effort was centered around their needs. Allow yourself some time to think about what is important to you.
Remember your life before them and think about things you might have missed all these years! Or perhaps it's about exploring that new activity you always wanted to try but never had time to do.
Even if you have other kids at home, give yourself permission to focus on what you enjoy. Then, when the next one(s) leave, you'll be ready.
Supporting Your College Student's Transition
The college years bring significant changes for the entire family. Remember that this transition is a normal part of your young adult's development, and with patience and support, both you and your college student can thrive during this new chapter.
Frequently Asked Questions
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Erin Schaefer, MS, LMFT-S, LPCC-S, joined ICFT after working as an administrator, supervisor, and clinician at a community behavioral health agency. Her emphasis has always been on striving for the highest standards and ensuring people receive the best possible treatment. In addition to her agency work, Erin has been an adjunct faculty member at Ashland University's Psychology Department for 10 years.
Erin is known for her work with couples—particularly those who are struggling to disrupt their negative interactions and reconnect as friends and romantic partners—and her work with children and adolescents and their families. Erin brings longed-for solutions to families, especially those with children and adolescents struggling with significant behavioral issues.
Clients and colleagues appreciate Erin's compassion, insight, use of humor, and ability to understand and address clients' immediate concerns. Erin brings a wealth of experience and solutions to the therapy room.